Hiraeth is a Welsh word, means the longing for homeland that is no longer there
I was twelve when I left home to attend a boarding school in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah and I'd stayed there for five years (2003-2007)--learning, growing and discovering new things. Then I spent a semester in Labuan Matriculation College in 2008 before I went to West Malaysia, in Kuala Lumpur, to pursue a Degree in Biotechnology. I was in a twinning program (2 years of study in Malaysia and then 2 years in USA), and I was supposed to go to California to graduate, but I ended up going to Nebraska (UNL). I spent three years in Lincoln, Nebraska, and met many interesting people. I even fell in love with a wrong woman, and when I found the right man, he went away, because we were not meant to be. So I moved on. After graduating in 2013 with Bachelor of Science in Biological Science and English, I went back home to Sabah in February 2014. In August 2014, I went to University Malaya to pursue M.A. in English Literature. I lived in Petaling Jaya from August 2014 to December 2016. And now it's 2017, I'm back in Sabah--not for good, but for now, and it's good to be home.
Time flies! Everyone says. I like to think that time and space are merely illusions, or tools to measure changes, understand patterns of life, and to predict the uncertain future. Then, there are labels that we use to organize everything, not only to things, but also to organize humans. For instance, infant, toddler, teenager, young adult, adult, old folks and so forth. These are labels that contain stereotypes and expected, "consented" knowledge about them--the objective (and problematic) definitions. How much do they matter? Skin colors becomes label, race, gender, sexuality, you name it. Who are you when you are detached from all these labels, stereotypes and ideologies?
My uncle said, he still feel the same inside despite being middle-age. One time, he had a crush on a young cashier. His mind somehow forgot (or detached from his body?) about his physical appearance and made him believed that he was the same age with the cashier, and that he had a "chance" at least to flirt with the cashier. Only when the cashier called him "Uncle" he was pulled back to his physical body. What is that "thing" that control our minds? Are we really in control?
Our bodies change, but our souls expand like the universe, expanding into nothingness that is infinity. This makes us limitless in term of growing. Therefore, perfection does not exist, because space for growth is infinity. Who we are today are also who we were yesterday, and yesteryears. It's fascinating to think about this.
Now, Hiraeth is the longing for a homeland that is no longer there, is also applicable to how my uncle was longing for his young body that is no longer there. And how I long for a place where I want to settle down in the future that would never exist, because it is constantly changing.
But I think Hiraeth is an important human nature that function like keys to doors of the past and future, and sparks imagination of new possibilities that are derived from infinite potentialities. I've lived in different places, and in each place I always longed for a new place that I have never reached or fulfilled, but it has moved me onwards into new places and possibilities, and has brought me to where I am now. Looking back, I'm grateful for the things that I've learned and experienced, and I know that I will continue this travelings, growing and discovery. Use hiraeth along with curiousity and wonder, and you will live an interesting and rich life.
Happy New Year!
Tilon